Change, Healthy Behaviors

Dating Again?

Couple sitting at bar talking.Getting back to the dating market after a long absence is daunting at best. It is anxiety provoking and apt to push a lot of self esteem buttons that haven’t been pressed in a long time.

Self-doubt and lack of confidence is probably the biggest stumbling block to attaining the relationship of our dreams. As long as they exist – we will have (at least an underlying) feeling that we aren’t good enough or we don’t deserve the best. It is especially hard to muster strong self confidence when we are coming out of a messy situation and have to rebuild or restructure the way we think of ourselves. We might not be as young as we were, as firm as we once were, or as willing to be vulnerable as we were in the past. Let’s face it… dating isn’t exactly fun when our conscious or subconscious minds equate it to a night of evaluations. We are constantly worried about the grade – the performance factor – if we will pass and/or be accepted.

First and foremost – do the work you need to do to be HAPPY with yourself! For those things you cannot directly change – learn acceptance!! The goal is for the ‘authentic’ you to emerge in a way that anyone who comes into contact with you sees YOU without underlying shame or embarrassment. This may mean a few sessions with a therapist to work through grief, remorse, or fears. It may mean that you take a significant hiatus from dating while you bolster your self-image. It may mean that you create a better defined list of the qualities that are important to you so that the next time you begin assessing a partner, you are zeroed in on what will realistically work for you.

Once you can look in the mirror and smile back genuinely at the reflection, get out there with the belief that you are a fantastic catch! You must have a strong knowingness that you are WORTH getting to know and spending time with. You must be willing to be vulnerable! Remember – we can’t fall in love unless we are willing to get hurt!! It’s a simple fact. Repeat several times a day that NO ONE is perfect! You’ve earned every wrinkle that has begun to form, every stretch mark, every gray hair. You are GREAT – just the way you are and there is someone for everyone!  You know this to be true – just walk through any mall on any day and you will notice couples who seem to be a curious pair… there is someone out there just waiting to love you!

You may not be a perfect person – but you are perfect for someone!!


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