Healthy Behaviors, Relationships

When Forever Feels Like A Long Time – Thoughts about Marriage


My brother recently married and with wedding season about to step into full swing I thought it appropo to share here, some of the sisterly (dusted with professional) advice that was offered. Whether you are about to be married or are deep into the commitment, the following can serve as a reminder for those little things that make a difference when ‘forever’ feels like a long time.

As you stand in front of family and friends on your wedding day, you will be in effect, promising to “play on the same team” for the rest of your lives. Don’t ever forget that! You are on the same team!! You’ve come together because you
share similar ideology, values, and dreams. You are unlikely to stray far from the hopes and thoughts that you currently have but it may feel like it to one or both of you as you move along different roads to get there.

On your wedding day, you are committing to a destination – a life together. No matter the path, be it paved, gravel, muddy, or brick – you are headed in the same direction. Trust that! From time to time, one of you may veer off on a
detour, leaving the other to walk independently for a bit. Do not feel abandoned! Think back to that “I DO” moment and remember that you are headed toward the same end – where all roads lead and trust that the other will make their way.

Remember that anger is simply a reaction to some other feeling and practice always to understand what you are feeling and communicate it to one another. Never point a finger at one another. Own your behavior, your fears, your reactions, your expectations! Nobody makes you…. your actions and behavior are yours – take responsibility.

Try not to judge – words like “right” and “wrong” or “good” and “bad” – imply a judgement that triggers defenses. essentially, there is only different. Acknowledge now that you are diverse people – each with an understanding
of the world that was developed from your experiences – Honor that you are different and learn to respect that of one another.

Good relationships are about meeting half way; not about getting your way or losing your voice. Use love and compassion to ask for what you want. Stay vulnerable!! Love does not truly exist without vulnerability. Unless you are always open to feeling the pain of loss, you cannot truly give all of your heart. Be willing!!!

Finally, be honest – it goes without saying that we should practice honesty with one another but for this purpose, I encourage you to always be honest with yourself – sometimes a much more difficult task.

Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help! You are signing up for a 24/7/365 gig and you are bound to be tired from time to time! Even those who work hard will need a bit of rest and lots of support – get it!

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